I have recently become aware of a key point of conflict between the wisdom in my heart and the rational thinking of my mind. This point of frustration was illuminated by a statement, made by a teacher of mine, Pixie Lighthorse, which struck me deeply.
“As we travel along, our medicine (healing) will start to integrate. This does not necessarily mean that it will ‘make sense’”.
As I learn to pay attention to the subtle messages in my life, I am learning to listen to what connects deeply with me and that words have so much power. One simple difference in a statement can change it entirely.
I have been trying to define healing, to “figure it out” with my mind. I have been looking (mentally) for a formula, or system, or an overarching “aha” that seems to fit together in a neat and understandable way. This subtle shift in words invited me to see that I have experienced much integration in my healing process, although many times it hasn’t made sense rationally.
My mind has created some skepticism and resistance to this flow of integration at times. My mind often wants to know more, to know the details, to track the process, to create a plan, while my heart and body have already made a change to integrate something that my mind may never be able to fully figure out.
Honestly, it is equally important that I acknowledge the truth of both to find harmony and peace. I would like to place more importance on one or the other, but that isn't helpful. They are both informative, true, and present for me.
What is here right now?
No judgments or story... simply listening. Are you able to do this in your own body / mind / spirit? Do you find yourself being an attentive, loving listener to yourself? In my own experience, this is one of the most important practices I am learning. How do I listen to my own pain, desire, needs, and joys with love, with attention, without needing to figure it out right away? This is the practice of a lifetime, I can assure you that we do not arrive right away. I have come to see healing much more about re-membering, integrating, and uncovering that which I already know than about learning new things or purging or "figuring it out".
Much more softening and much less criticism.
And my critical voice can be loud. Sometimes she is the only one that I can hear... but I am learning to talk back. To soften, even to her. And it takes so. much. patience. Because she is persistent and often louder than the other voices. As though she has a megaphone and is yelling in my ear. Can you relate?
I am learning that this is a normal part of the process. Integration happens at different times on different levels of our being. Observing the process of integration requires patience, space, and quality listening skills.
There are many ways to start syncing the mind and body, especially for curious minds like mine. Here are some practices I have found helpful in my exploration:
~Bodywork (craniosacral therapy, energy work)
~Walking, Free Dance, other intuitive movement
How do you move from your head into your heart and body? There is no one-right way, no exact formula. The beauty of this is that we all get to discover our own ways of listening more deeply to ourselves.